I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
