my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
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he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
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I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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