normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
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They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
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I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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