Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
