and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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