dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
