So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
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I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
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Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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