you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
