I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
