I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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