My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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