I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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