Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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