my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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