New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
