She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
