I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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