On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
two words: eviction party
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
