4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
