Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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