When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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