Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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