So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
