I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
