I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
