your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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