Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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