Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
