I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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