i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I wear drunk well.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
