I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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