I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
