You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
