i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
