I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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