that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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