oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
