That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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