Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sext me about skeletons
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
