i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
