I'm lost and stupid without you.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
