if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
