You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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