I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She made me pour olive oil on her.