Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He is an equal opportunity slut.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
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he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze