Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
