yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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