she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.