yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC