i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.