i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
