I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
