You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
