that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
