This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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