Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
