idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
