Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
