So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pray to the hookup gods
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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