I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize