i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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