dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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