Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
