Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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