The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
