is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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