I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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