She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
