It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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