we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
