Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
