I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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