just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
