Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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